Will Rogers Jokes |
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. * 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: *When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. GETTING OLDER *First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. *Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. *Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved. *Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. *Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. *Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. *Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. *Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. *Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. *Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf *And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. |
| About Will Rogers by Joseph H. Carter |
Will Rogers was first an Indian, a cowboy then a national figure. He now is a legend.
Born in 1879 on a large ranch in the Cherokee Nation near what later would become Oologah, Oklahoma,
Will Rogers was taught by a freed slave how to use a lasso as a tool to work Texas Longhorn cattle on the
family ranch.
As he grew older, Will Rogers' roping skills developed so special that he was listed in the Guinness Book of
Records for throwing three lassos at once: One rope caught the running horse's neck, the other would
hoop around the rider and the third swooped up under the horse to loop all four legs.
Will Rogers' unsurpassed lariat feats were recorded in the classic movie, "The Ropin' Fool."
His hard-earned skills won him jobs trick roping in wild west shows and on the vaudeville stages where,
soon, he started telling small jokes.
Quickly, his wise cracks and folksy observations became more prized by audiences than his expert roping.
He became recognized as being a very informed and smart philosopher--telling the truth in very simple
words so that everyone could understand.
After the 10th grade, Will Rogers dropped out of school to become a cowboy in a cattle drive. He always
regretted that he didn't finish school, but he made sure that he never stopped learning--reading, thinking
and talking to smart people. His hard work paid off.
Will Rogers was the star of Broadway and 71 movies of the 1920s and 1930s; a popular broadcaster;
besides writing more than 4,000 syndicated newspaper columns and befriending Presidents, Senators and
Kings.
During his lifetime, he traveled around the globe three times-- meeting people, covering wars, talking about
peace and learning everything possible.
He wrote six books. In fact he published more than two million words. He was the first big time radio
commentator, was a guest at the White House and his opinions were sought by the leaders of the world.
Inside himself, Will Rogers remained a simple Oklahoma cowboy. "I never met a man I didn't like," was his
credo of genuine love and respect for humanity and all people everywhere. He gave his own money to
disaster victims and raised thousands for the Red Cross and Salvation Army.
At home, either on his ranch in Oklahoma or California, he always enjoyed riding horseback, roping steers
or playing polo. He would scratch his head, grin and quip that he figured there was something wrong with
anybody that didn't like a horse.
He always thought of himself as first a caring member of the human race, American, then a Cherokee
Indian; a faithful husband and a father. Even though he was the top-paid star in Hollywood, he was a family
man. Will Rogers was very close to his wife, Betty, and their four children.
Will Rogers Jr., 1911-1993, starred as his Father in two feature movies and was a war hero, a successful
actor and a Congressman.
Mary Rogers, 1913-1989, was a Broadway actress.
Jim Rogers, 1915-2000, after starring in some cowboy movies as a young man, spent his life as a horse and
cattle rancher.
Betty and Will Rogers's youngest son, Fred, died of diphtheria when he was two.
There were eight children born to Will Rogers' parents, but only four reached adulthood on the rugged
frontier of 19th Century Indian Territory.
While a fast horse thrilled Will Rogers, he also loved flying. It was on a flight to Alaska in 1935 with a daring
one-eyed Oklahoma pilot named Wiley Post that their plane crashed and both men lost their lives.
In mourning, the world reflected on Will Rogers' words:
"Live your life so that whenever you lose, you're ahead."
"If you live life right, death is a joke as far as fear is concerned."
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